The Lexicographer's Rules

He has grown since he first appeared. He likes the baseboard, the unwashed dishes, the crumbs in the toaster. He is clean, no black gravel yet. Hides at day, roams at night. Lives in the wall between the two bedrooms. (Source Link)

“I’ve got a great idea. You know how when you’re in the bathroom you’re just sittin or standin there starin at the wall? Wouldn’t that be a great place for ads?” Ideas invented too late by unqualified citizens. Been done. Where were you? Lost. Not paying attention. Other behavior. Men’s bathrooms, country-wide, have snot above stalls and urinals. Flaky, chunky, all kinds. Not kidding. Lots must be doing this. Evidence everywhere. Guess they stand there, one hand high on the wall, one on johnson, thinking, I could be doing two things at once. My nose. It itches, is full. Now is the time. Then they blow it out. No tissues. No interfering hand. Nice bathrooms, maybe not. Busy bathrooms, for certain. (Source Link)

Flashes like cars in parking lots. Hot paranoia. In the library, outside its windows too close to the street, people could be purposely letting off car alarms, irrationally backing up trucks, pointlessly hammering wood. Investigate to find the noise is purposeless. Not being stolen, idling in reverse, scavenging nails from plywood. Nails are cheap. Same kind of people who reserve space in the library. Leave bags, books, notes, computers on table, fanfold. Never worked there, occupy space just in case. Leave all day. One day library will be full but empty. New friend to the City needs an apartment. He’s having a tough time. He’s says, “Where’s Tarrytown? There might be one there.” Poor bastard. Fees are huge, apartments are scarce, a lot of weirdos are running ads for shares that amount to the new guy paying all the rent to some jumped up nutball who sits around fingering a potato chip bag. Seems like, anyway. Be careful. (Source Link)

Crucial. Must not forget. Montage at beginning summing up creation not enough. Superman I, fine. Mystery Men, not fine. We want proofs, evidence, support. Make them then use them. Characters need a history. Most of a film should be character development, but honest, not clever. Malkovich flick is good. Princess flick is good. French dinner flick is good. Bad movies not mentioned: no time for badness. Child actors with lisps are not cute. It’s a speech defect. Child actors with page boy cuts mean lazy stylists. Uncreative, should be fired. Soon to be has-been, if ever was.

Line to keep using in analysis and critiques: “Man’s attempt to be God-like.” New York City radio cycles, recycles, spins, turns, spews. Four thousand morning talk shows, eight thousand funnymen, four thousand sidekicks. Steal jokes off Internet. Who notices? Shoot jukebox record changer. Spit on his kids. Top of the top forty bad ideas of all time. Ads expensive. Why? They work? Dunno. Don’t think so. Don’t buy it. Don’t listen. But these, yes: WCKR. WNYE. WNYC, minus pledge weeks. Pledge weeks plaintive, pitiful, strident, grating. Mother yelling, bitching, nagging.