The Lexicographer's Rules

Recent interesting catchwords from the Double-Tongued Dictionary are:

doll husband n. a man with a social or emotional attachment to a life-sized, realistic female doll.

slumber room n. the room in a funeral home in which a body lies prior to visitation.

I’m sorry to say that I’ve been made to look like a bit of a spoiler in this article in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. I do not think “all this effort to identify the key word of the year is worth very little.” I do think “it’s just folks having fun.”

It’s important fun and it’s fun that in which I participate with gusto. I do wish the journalist had included the part of our interview where I emphasized that it was one of the few ways in which lexicographers can flex their lexy muscles in public. Who doesn’t like talking about how they do the work they enjoy?

Still, the article does have it merits. Not least, it gives you a sneak peek at four of my nominations for words of the year. There’s “wide stance” and “toe-tapper,” which I covered previously, as well as windshield cowboy and jailbreak.

The fellow at Undress Me Robot isn’t the only one with a crush on my friend an colleague Erin McKean (who is married, has a cute little boy, and will probably respond to your belles lettres d’amour with a polite and pert “Thanks!"). There is this person. And this one. And this one, too.

Portfolio has a nice little profile of her in its Job of the Week section.

Never mind. The error is now fixed. Where it says

Computer searches helped persuade her to add the words taikonautedamame (a Chinese astronaut); (Japanese soybeans boiled in their pods and served as an appetizer)…

it should say

Computer searches helped persuade her to add the words taikonaut (a Chinese astronaut); edamame (Japanese soybeans boiled in their pods and served as an appetizer)…

You’d think they’d be a little more careful when editing an article about a lexicographer.

My second column has appeared in the Malaysian Star: Spanglish and Nuyoricanspeak. This time, I write about Spanish and English and some of the ways that the blending and mixing of the two languages continues.

I just had another in a long series of conversations about how to get a word in the dictionary. Sigh. There was a misunderstanding, as always.

This phone call went as they usually do: somebody has coined a word, they think it’s really spiffy, they want to get it in “The Dictionary,” and they call me thinking I work for “Webster’s,” and they want me to put their spiffy word in “The Dictionary.”

I don’t work for Webster’s, there’s no such dictionary company (although there are companies that include “Webster’s” in their names), and the way you get a word in “The dictionary” is by using it a lot and encouraging everyone else to use it, too. After it’s successful, lexicographers will consider including it. They don’t include brand-new words in mainstream American dictionaries. There’s not enough room and nearly all supposedly spiffy new words suck.

Also, there’s no such thing as “The Dictionary,” as I explain at length here.

Furthermore, if you call somebody and ask how to get a word in the dictionary and then you won’t tell them what the word is because they “might steal it,” well, what can I say? You’re going to get exactly nowhere. You have to set it free. If your word is truly spiffy, then it will survive and might show up in a dictionary one day—but probably not with your name, or anyone’s, attached.

You cannot get paid every time someone uses a word. You also cannot copyright or patent a word. You can trademark it, however, but then you’ll have no chance of getting it in a dictionary unless it’s a trademark for a fabulously popular must-have product that becomes a generic name for the whole product category.

So, if you’re looking for fame, this isn’t the way. I suggest a rifle and a belltower being very, very good-looking instead. Or a chess champion. Or the world’s best plumber. ANYTHING else.