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Wednesday, March 05, 2003

“The Kiwi Way” by Peter Oliver from

;Here’s how it works: Swaddle yourself in a waist harness, which has a shock cord that extends from the navel area and is attached to a hinged, clamping piece of metal resembling a large household nutcracker. Approach the fast-moving rope and grasp it with one hand to initiate momentum. With the other hand, snap the nutcracker closed over the rope in front of you. When a bond between nutcracker and moving rope is secured, lean back and enjoy the ride. It sounds easy. It isn’t. With the tows typically running at warp speed, getting the nutcracker properly positioned before having your fingers crushed by rope-stabilizing pulleys requires considerable dexterity. Neophytes often endure dozens of false starts before finally, clumsily, getting the hang of it. In the process, gloves, seared by the coarseness and speed of the rope, take a savage beating. The running joke is that if a movie is ever made about nutcrackers, it will be titled “Glove Smoke.” (Source Link)

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British children see the highest number of television commercials in Europe, watching on average

British children see the highest number of television commercials in Europe, watching on average 17 advertisements an hour, of which ten are likely to be for food. Of those commercials, nine are likely to be for products which are high in fat, sugar, and/or salt.

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59 percent of American parents rated their teenagers’ driving as their number one worry. Car crashes are the leading cause of death for American teenagers.

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“Cowboys learn their lit—from the French” by David Kirby from

;After five days of readings and panel discussions, the French and American writers agreed on one other thing: In their lifetimes, the past has disappeared, and as there seems to be little interest in planning for a future, the result is just one enormous present. (Source Link)

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“Creating An Extended Rant Out of Nothing” from

;The invitations are done and are going out, after a bit more judicious weeding from the invitation list to get it down into a number we can express without resorting to scientific notation. Included in this tally was at least one dead person, who could have really livened things up. It would have been kind of neat to rig up the corpse of my dead great-aunt so that right in the middle of the ceremony, she could be hoisted up by wires and jerk around crazily, while a hidden recording blared out “UNCLEAN! UNHOLY UNION! THE DEAD RISE UP IN OPPOSITION!” (Source Link)

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