The Lexicographer's Rules

"Countering terrorism is a job for civilian security services, intelligence gathering, tackling money-laundering, freezing assets and policing borders. Throwing bombs at it is like trying to defeat the Mafia by attacking Sicily."

—BBC. "This is an unprecedented situation and it requires an unconventional response. The US needs to show imagination and mature statesmanship in handling it."'

"Disinformation is an ugly, difficult word, because no one likes to be fooled. And I know you don't like to be fooled, in particular. And we, on our side, in looking at information don't like to be fooled. But it's something that is a weapon in the arsenal of our adversary, and it is used with deliberate intent to plant information, again, with the hope of achieving either a political or diplomatic or morale effect, or a military effect. And this can often stem from a plant by an intelligence service that gets published in a sympathetic paper or media, and gets proliferated. And again, now with the Internet, it can be very difficult to track and detect when this kind of disinformation goes on. And I know you've spent probably a lot of your careers running down leads that, you know, proved to be totally worthless. And I do the same on a daily basis."

—Department of Defense. A senior defense official gives a background briefing on denial and deception in warfare.

"But I'm still not Palestinian enough to know that this is not normal, no one should have to get used to this and I need a break. Everyone needs a break. So a group of friendsÑall ex-patsÑorganize a movie night. But the shooting from the Pisigot settlement, or perhaps it is from the tanks encircling the town, has just started. It's best to stay inside when the shooting starts, move away from the windows, go to a room out of the line of fire, if you're lucky enough to have such a room. But I need a break, to see my friends, a mental escape. I consider the path I have to take to catch a taxi. I live about 1 km. from the settlement, and I have to walk in front of it, right past where a bullet entered my neighbor's house not two weeks ago, shattering their veranda window as she slept. At least the taxi stand is only a couple of blocks away; I won't have to walk down the street where a 40-year-old mother of three was shot as she was carrying groceries home to her family. There is a lull in the shooting, and I scurry out my front door, my body involuntarily crouching down in a half-duck. I think to myself, 'Is getting out to see friends and a movie worth risking a stray bullet?'"

—Alternet. Lori A. Allen is a University of Chicago anthropology graduate student currently conducting research in the West Bank.

"The words of [Prince Al-Walid] did not, of course, please the Jewish lobby in the home of the largest Jewish community in the world. Because the governor [sic] of the Big Apple is a Jew, he refused [to accept the donation] and caused a storm."

—Middle East Media and Research Institute. Arab media world-wide is full of amusing distortions. "New York mayor Rudolph Giuliani was obsessed by his hatred of Arabs even before the terrorist attacks on New York. He hides his first name, chosen for him by his Italian father, so as not to remind the Jewish voters of the infamous Rudolph Hitler [sic]. This is why he prefers to shorten it to Rudy."'

"The waits continued, the show seemingly lasting forever. Most of the performers have to enroll their kids in the DC school system. Rod Stewart is now a naturalized U.S. citizen. Whomever you came with you're now legally married to. DMV employees in the audience have gotten impatient and left. The stadium is totally out of food. Tired and hungry, we scan the skies in hope of a U.S. Army humanitarian aid drop of MREs. In the bleachers, people have swiped toilet paper rolls from the bathroom, and are flinging them into the crowd. Hunger has devolved us. Soon, we'll be rendered into Michael Jackson-craving monkeys, slinging our feces to and fro. The earth slows. The molten core of the planet cools. Glaciers spread, then melt. Mountains crumble. Seas rise, then fall. Some future evolved species, maybe the dogs, will happen upon the ruins of the stadium. They will find us all frozen, yet still plaintively awaiting word from John Stamos saying we can go home."

—Salon. Eric Lipton soundly and roundly skewers the "United We Stand" all-star charity concert in Washington DC. "And as the song ends, the smoke machines come on, filling the stage with gray clouds. Then glitter cannons go off, and the sky over JFK was filled with fluttering, shiny, multicolored pieces of tinsel. YesÑfor a finale of a Sept. 11 benefit show, the stage is covered in smoke and falling debris."'