The Lexicographer's Rules

"A player whose stroke is affected by the simultaneous explosion of a bomb or shell or by machine-gun fire, may play another ball from the same place. Penalty one stroke."

—Scotsman. Although Ian Wood doesn't much care for the asinine cheering in golf galleries that seems to be spreading from the US to Europe, he notes that a golfer's handbook issued by St. Mellons Golf and Country Club during the Battle of Britain shows there have been worse pressures to golf under. "In competitions, during gunfire or while bombs are falling, players may take cover without penalty for ceasing play."'

"I'm telling you, these people are crazy. Most are very psychotic. Many don't speak English. We've got some that are talking to the Lord and think they are the devil."

—Natchez Democrat. The U.S. Supreme Court recently ruled immigrants who have served their criminal sentences cannot be detained indefinitely while the Immigration and Naturalization Service attempts to deport them, but it didn't specify when those currently incarcerated should be released, and it didn't say where to release them. Concordia Parish Sheriff Randy Maxwell of Vidalia, Louisiana: "They're going to be released a long way from Concordia Parish, if INS releases them. We'll drive them to New Orleans or Houston if we have to. For the most part, these people can't fit into society. They've been institutionalized in prison. I'm just amazed [at the decision]. I promise you, these people will not be on the streets three hours before they commit another crime."'

"Staten Island people generally like me more. In the Bronx, I'd do significantly worse."

—Staten Island Advance. Bernard Goetz, who shot four young men when they tried to mug him on the subway in 1984, continues his campaign for mayor. He needs 7,500 signatures to appear on the ballot.'

"This will be a change for a lot of people. Some people just don't understand because they grew up on welfare."

—Lexington Herald-Leader. Kentucky's first batch of families to be booted off the welfare rolls as the result of a time limit set by federal law are in denial. "Some families just don't want to believe it will happen and some don't care."'

"Otherwise it won't take. It would be like trying to graft skin onto a tabletop."

—Tacoma News Tribune. Doctors will sew firefighter Jason Emhoff's burned left hand inside his abdomen to let it heal for three weeks.