The Lexicographer's Rules

"With a constant media contingent devoted almost exclusively to chronicling every last detail of her life in Washington, Mrs. Clinton has come to resemble one of the small plastic animals in a game of Whack-a-Mole."

—New York Observer. Senator Chuck Schumer, on the other hand, resembles a minor warlord newly vested with power.'

"In the United States the children can't play in the street because they'll be stolen. Here they can go to the movies, to the beach, because nothing like that happens. There they kill them to steal their organs."

—New York Times. Forty-two years on, the Cuban revolution is waning, Soviet support is gone and the rise of tourism only emphasizes the differences between Cubans and the rest of the world. "There is a fascination with the United States which is very dangerous. It has been produced because the propaganda against the United States is wasted and tired. The government spends all week attacking the United States, and on Saturday they put on two movies, North American thrillers or gangster movies. As bad as they are, they have a social aspect. You hear people say, 'You saw the car the bad guy had?'"'

"I'd advise against it. It's not a good idea. They're liable to get beat up. Last year there were two blacks in the alcohol-free area, and when the sun went down, people started saying things like, 'Those two trees there look mighty sturdy to me.' They got out of there pretty quick."

—New York Times. Quiet advice on whether blacks should bother showing up in the Kingdom of Skullbonia, home of Klux Klan iron crosses and the Skullbone Music Park, all in Skullbone, Tennessee.'

"It is nearly impossible to turn on a television set or radio in Mexico and not find Fox. He travels constantly: next stops, Tokyo, Seoul and Beijing. He often gives several speeches a day. His predecessor, Ernesto Zedillo, disliked public attention and rarely held news conferences. But Fox has saturated the public consciousness here the way President Bill Clinton used to in the United States."

—Washington Post. Bill Clinton, yardstick for all new presidents, anywhere. Besides Mexico's Vincente Fox, there's Japan's Junichiro Koizumi: "In the five weeks since Koizumi's election, his government has taken on Clintonesque qualities, with high public approval flowing largely from the charm of its leader, outshining what his critics call early stumbles."'

"A president more sensitive to his electoral predicament would not have chosen a right-winger like John Ashcroft for his cabinet. He would have been more careful to review the actions of the previous administration so as to avoid embarassing news stories such as the one about repealing regulations against arsenic in the water. He would have been more supportive of the members of his cabinet that were chosen to send soothing messages to the center of the electorate. And yet Secretary of State Colin Powell and Environmental Protection Adminstrator Christine Todd Whitman, two very moderate Republicans, have been regularly contradicted and put in their place by the Bush White House."

—Newsday. So after months of political wrangling you're confirmed as the president of the United States. How do you respond to this dubious mandate? Act like it all never happened and act like you won big.